problemo....

>> Monday, 19 December 2011

its almost 1.30 am.

my baby-girl just slept. she cant sleep properly and early these few weeks because she's not getting enough milk from me. usually she'll get a full dose of milk before she sleeps, and then she'll sleep fine. malam ni dia tertido only selepas aku dok garu-garu bontot dia. kesian dia. i feel so damn guilty.

that's what being pregnant do to your breastmilk. the supply and demand concept suddenly doesnt work anymore. i nurse her just like before when my production was working fine.....but it simply dosnt work like that anymore. it dries up and re-production become so slow. it becomes full only once a day.

at times i feel so guilty. sad. angry. i even cry (yes im an emotional person). this girl is having a hard time accepting formula milk. aku takot sgt dia tak cukup khasiat. she'll only drink dutch lady kid 1-6 in the little boxes. her doc said that's fine if thats the only milk she drinks. but she's still having a hard time accepting that I'M the one who's giving her the milk. she drinks it in the nursery tho, but not with me.

If i give the milk to her, she'll look at me like im crazy....like she cant believe it....(haha).

im sorry baby girl. aahhh....how do you tell a wonderful little child that you're sorry and its beyond your control and nothing is her fault and she's the most awesome little girl and she's gotta drink formula milk else mama gonna be sad and might cry every night....?

oh well, that's what we women do. we cry. doesnt mean we're weak. but thats how we find strength. we cry before we get our strength. well at least for me. i did cry because i feel like i cant provide for her.

aku kena cari jalan. kena cari susu lain lagi nih.....

and to baby adik....you just chill inside my tummy yer. mama will take care of you, nothing to worry. ya Allah....tolong la budak kecik ni...

Read more...

Surprisseee! Surprise indeed...

>> Tuesday, 13 December 2011

Salam...

Sometimes god gives us 'anugerah' and at the same time, it comes with an 'ujian'. It comes together. In the same colourful packet.

Aku tak heboh sangat pasal berita ni kat facebook ke ape. Cume beberapa kerat kawan jer tau.
I am about 7 weeks pregnant. This is actually unplanned. Plannya nak breastfeed aynur for 2 whole years. Now she's only 15 months. I plan to start planning for a new baby when aynur is setahun 8 bulan ke atas.

Period aku lambat. Aku bwat derk. Ingat maybe sebab dia irregular sbb aku still breastfeeding. Pastu jadi lambat benar plak. 2 minggu. Jadi aku pk....oh well, maybe i miss my period this month. Tapi hati tetap rasa lain macam actually. Badan aku kan....aku tau aa. Ada perubahan sikit. Perubahannya ialah....aku cepat letih. Bwat derk lagi. Then one day...terasa nak check. Amik ko....sampai 6 minggu dah pregnnacy aku. Folic acid tak makan sume. Nasib aku makan multivitamin gak. Susu pun minum-minum gak.

Mula-mula aku dapat tahu, aku down. Maklumlah kite kononnya dah plan cantek punya. Tengok2 jadi cam lain kan. Aku sayang adik aynur, tapi adik datang terlalu cepat sayang. Aku risau aku tak dpt breastfeeding aynur. Pregnancy hormone suppress breastmilk production. Kalo anak aku dah kurang minum ok la. Ni dia still rancak minum. Aku risau aku tak larat nak kejar aynur yg baru bleh berjalan ni. Aku risau aku tak boleh nak jalankan tanggungjawab. Tapi aku pk balik....ramai gile kot orang beranak awal. Lagi awal pun ada. Lepak je. Diorg bleh bwat....apsal aku taleh kan. Lagipun aynur is 15 months, not very cepat kot kan.

Jadi aku telah mengambil sedikit masa....duduk sorang2 sambil bermuhasabah.

Tuhan lebih mengetahui. Allah has planned a better path. Apalah kite, manusia yang jahil ni tahu? Kite tak tahu apa-apa. Kite cuma tahu plan perkara yang KITA INGAT adalah terbaik..sedangkan Allah tau apa yang lebih baik untuk kite.

Aku telah muhasabah...

Allah takkan menganiaya hambanya. Allah cuma menguji. Anugerah juga adalah ujian. Manusia tidak lekang dengan ujian.

Cume aku mintak pada Allah, tolonglah Aynur with her transition to formula milk. Aku akan still cuba bg breastmilk selagi termampu. Frankly speaking, im not ready to stop breastfeeding. I love it. I love seeing her beautiful innocent eyes looking up at my face. Like she need me...like im everything to her. But my breastmilk is drying up.

Im sorry gegirl...we'll go through this together. Mama will always be with you, breastfeeding or not.

The fun part is, she is showing something new. She's attracted to babies. She see babies, mula la senyum simpul, excited. Pastu sibuk panggil "baby, baby, baby..."

Tengok baby seronok, tengok gamba baby mana-mana seronok. Menjerit2 panggil baby...haha. And to adik, mama will take care of you, dont worry. You must be one surprising whimsical baby too. Mama love you as much....

Oh ya...kawan2, bagaimanakah anda transition anak ke formula milk?

Read more...

A bit about my father.

>> Wednesday, 30 November 2011

Our parents have their own way, kan? We respect our parents, and the way they do things.

I mean old parents....our parents. They have their own way of doing things. Unlike us, modern couples. I salute my parents...not only becase they are my parents, but because they show us some things that are so good, we cant even follow.

My mother always tell me, dulu dia keje. Everyday, with little salary. But everyday also she manage to cook and do the house. She manage to send money to my grandma, and taking care of her still-studying brothers.

She said most of the time, she would be tired. But she say, one person who always push (in good ways, of course) and help her is my father. My father would peel bawang for my mother to ease and make things easy and fast for her. My father would bathe us adik beradik while my mom is cooking. Aku selalu ingat dulu, abah aku selalu sikat rambut aku lepas mandi kecik2 dulu. Dia akan belah tepi rambut aku, cam budak nerd (now anak aku plak kena camtu. lepas aynur mandi, dia akan sikat rambut aynur ke tepi. macam nerd....kekek). Pastu dia tuka pampers ke ape. Sementara mak aku masak, dia akan layan kitorang gaduh sesama sendiri ke ape ke. He sometimes would help to lipat kain. He would help to dodoi us. He would cuci toilet, tlg kemas rumah sume. Yang best tu semuanya tanpa disuruh. Bukan cam suruh budak2 simpan mainan gitu.

When he cares about something, he would really care about it. Dia sayang bebenor dgn aynur. kalau la aku bising sikit sambil aynur tido, mmg la dia sound aku. Kalau anak aku kena gigit nyamuk, lagi la kena. Pernah anak aku jatuh teruk....dia nangis. And he doesnt mind taking his own drink in the kitchen.

Skang bapak aku dah pencen, mama aku keje lagi. Lagi la byk bende dia bwat. Dia lipat kain, dia mop lantai, dia kekadang pi rendam baju2 yg perlu direndam. Skang kitorang dah besar, dengan dia-dia masuk dapur tolong mama aku masak. Even atok aku dulu pun selalu tolong nenek aku. Abah aku selalu cerita, "ayoh" (atok aku la) aku selalu duduk celapak depan pintu rumah sambil lipat kain. Dah pupus la aku rasa lelaki camtu. Tapi dalam masa tolong menolong tu, diorg tetap bertekak. Mak dengan bapak aku adalah couple yang hampir tidak pernah sebulu dalam satu2 hal. Sambil2 masak tu bleh dengar diorg bertekak. But they always agree to disagree. Betapa banyak diorg tak sebulu pun, no hal la! Walaupun gitu, there is something that make them stick together. Sometimes i wonder....

Sometimes aku rasa ada bende yang diorg tahu, tapi kite tak tahu. Tak cukup ilmu. They know something that we dont know. Tapi its general aku rasa. Its understanding, bertimbang rasa, respect, helping each other and showing that you care. And what i think is cool - its like....diorg sama-sama tampal mana-mana lubang dalam relationship. cover mana-mana yang tak kena. Its a two way relationship in every aspect.

And aku kekadang memang rasa, susahnye nak cari org cam bapak aku dah. Tapi tak ke kite selalu rasa camtu? Rasa cam bapak kite best?..... =) Rasa cam mak kite untung? Tapi parents kite memang tak perfect. Yang kite rasa kurang kena, letak belakang. They are human too kan.

Tapi lelaki skang banyak manja-manja. Tak gitu? =). Aku tengok zaman skang, yang pempuan saja kena kuat dan gagah. Yang lelaki tak berapa lasak dah. Kalau dengar atau baca cerita2 org pempuan ni, cam kesian. Eh, lelaki gagah juga...tapi diorg gagah fizikal je kot? Setakat gagah fizikal, aku pun bleh mengangkat bende berat selagi ada kudrat. Aku tak bercakap pasal lasak fizikal. Penting untuk kuat mental dan ada emotional inteligent yang tinggi. (Emotional Intelligence, or EI, describes an ability or capacity to perceive, assess, and manage the emotions of one's self, and of others). Penting ada EQ yang tinggi. EQ adalah ability utk asses emotion org lain. Bukan IQ je tinggi, tak berguna. Pemandu teksi pun bleh ada IQ tinggi. Tapi dia bawak teksi je gak (bukan mengutuk pemandu teksi, sumpah). Kirenye EQ is important in life. Important to go forward and succeed (in relationship ke, ape ke). Pendek kata, kire cam considerate la.

Tapi cam aku kata, dah pupus la aku rasa lelaki camtu. Mungkin ada, dan sape yang ada laki camtu, memang diorg golongan nak pupus dah. Unless korang ajarkan anak korang, supaya jadi cam bapaknye. Gentleman gitu. Jangan bagi golongan begini pupus. They are like siberian tigers. Sayang....









Im writing this generally and carefully through experience and observation around me. From stories of mouth too mouth. From what i read. From my own observation. I dunno....wallahualam. Just my 2 cents.

Read more...

Nunor at almost 15 months...

>> Wednesday, 9 November 2011

Salam all....

My baby is 14 months. Well this 17 November she'll be 15 months. Time flies like a concorde. Too fast it worries me sometimes. Not really worry, but it got me thinking about many things. About money, about the suitable time to have more kids, about my lost times, about relationship with people, about career. Many things...

I kept thinking about it from time to time. But im not like all stressed out. I was just thinking about all that. You can't run away from all that.

Anyway, now that Nunor is almost 15 months, she has passed a lot of milestone. One that she is going through right now, is talking. Bila orang bersembang, i always observe her. She would listen and look at the talking person. She would look at their mouth (this doesn't always happen. sometimes she'd rather play). When i talk to her, she would listen, and respond in her language, like she understand. And we would have a whole conversation, like chicken talking to a duck.

Figuring out what she's saying is fun. Like few weeks ago, she was repeating a word. Aku mmg tak paham perkataan ape. It sounds like "cica" (pronounce it like in BM). So dia dok repeat cica cica cica cica. So aku dok fikir laa....amende la cica nih. "Tido" ke. Macam tak. Eh, tak paham la aku.

One day aku sembang dengan PakDin. Aku ade sebut perkataan "teacher" and suddenly dia sebut 'cica!". Then i realize....the word is "teacher". Teacher, because babysitter kat nursery dia sume bebudak tu dok panggil teacher. Hahahaha....i laugh out loud. Now about a month after that, it sounds more and more like "teacher". Like ctecher....hahah....gitu2 la.

Like recently, she's trying to immitate the word "jom". She cant say the letter "j" yet. So she cant really pronounce "jom". But she try. You gotta love that. She try to say the word. Maybe because it icks her that she cannot say it, when everyone is saying it. Tak boleh jadi kan! So you know how she pronounce it?

She says "pom".......hahahahah....now I'M laughing.

Whenever we wanna get moving and i say "jom, jom"...dia pun sibuk kata "pom, pom". Lepas tu dia ketawa malu-malu...cos she knows its not how you say it. Hahahah...nunor, nunor.

And she's also more adventurous. She has a box of toys, but that doesnt interest her anymore. Dia suka punggah laci, punggah kotak, punggah vcd-vcd abah dia, punggah beg nursery dia, beg aku, wallet kitorang, kasi pecah table lamp kaca aku. Arrggghhh...hahaha. Sabar jer la kan. And she starts to walk more. At 14 months, her longest step is 9. 9 step. Ok la tu....lambat sket. We know eventually she'll walk. Only the matter of time. But she's a pro at crawling tho....haha.

She likes to berlakon nangis, then when people layan dia, dia sengih. She likes to do things herself. Pegang gelas sendiri. Suap makanan sendiri. Tp masalahnye dia tak reti kan. Dan aku plak takde masa nak mengelap meja dan lantai yang berlemuih. So experiment dia limited sket. Ahh...aku yang tak puas hati. Tapi kalau biar, memang tak terlap la akuuuu.

Anyway..... =) aynur at 15 months....

Read more...

  © Blogger templates Palm by Ourblogtemplates.com 2008

Back to TOP