problemo....

its almost 1.30 am.

my baby-girl just slept. she cant sleep properly and early these few weeks because she's not getting enough milk from me. usually she'll get a full dose of milk before she sleeps, and then she'll sleep fine. malam ni dia tertido only selepas aku dok garu-garu bontot dia. kesian dia. i feel so damn guilty.

that's what being pregnant do to your breastmilk. the supply and demand concept suddenly doesnt work anymore. i nurse her just like before when my production was working fine.....but it simply dosnt work like that anymore. it dries up and re-production become so slow. it becomes full only once a day.

at times i feel so guilty. sad. angry. i even cry (yes im an emotional person). this girl is having a hard time accepting formula milk. aku takot sgt dia tak cukup khasiat. she'll only drink dutch lady kid 1-6 in the little boxes. her doc said that's fine if thats the only milk she drinks. but she's still having a hard time accepting that I'M the one who's giving her the milk. she drinks it in the nursery tho, but not with me.

If i give the milk to her, she'll look at me like im crazy....like she cant believe it....(haha).

im sorry baby girl. aahhh....how do you tell a wonderful little child that you're sorry and its beyond your control and nothing is her fault and she's the most awesome little girl and she's gotta drink formula milk else mama gonna be sad and might cry every night....?

oh well, that's what we women do. we cry. doesnt mean we're weak. but thats how we find strength. we cry before we get our strength. well at least for me. i did cry because i feel like i cant provide for her.

aku kena cari jalan. kena cari susu lain lagi nih.....

and to baby adik....you just chill inside my tummy yer. mama will take care of you, nothing to worry. ya Allah....tolong la budak kecik ni...