Sappy ness

Hyenas.

Im in my 28th week. That would be in the 6 months. 3rd trimester. The last trimester. Cepat betul. Cepat cepat pun, memang 9 bulan la kan. Kau jadi gajah la kalau nak pregnant lama-lama. Setahun lebih tau gajah pregnant....dekat 2 tahun aku rasa. Aku tak tipu neh! And be rest assured, 85% of my post will be related to pregnancy and babies now....hehe.

Truthfully im never a fan of kids and babies, before. I dont hate them, dont get me wrong. Its just that, i dont coo around them, i dont melt around them, i dont become all excited and jumpy around them, and i dont have the feeling that i have to connect to them. Kalau budak-budak buat hal, i'll be calling their moms rather than memujuk. They have their own moms for god sake....isnt it? But now, i see babies and i feel a flutter in my stomach. And i love to see them smile and laugh. Give kids chocolates and see they smile ear to ear. Nampak gigi kecik-kecik putih tu, atau nampak gusi yang merah-merah....cam anak sedara aku yang 6 bulan tu. Humang haihh....comelnye. Kulit lembut gila, yang kita jangan mimpi la nak dapat. Kau pakai losyen yang dibuat daripada tahi platipus yang berharga ribu-ribuan sebotol pun tak dapat dah kulit camtu. (platipus is endangered species. some of platipuses family have already extinct)

My god, what the heck is that?...haha. I never had that feeling before. Is that what they call maternal instinct? Its the hormones! It makes me feel all sappy and soft too. Hati jadi lembut macam biskot meri yang kau cicah dalam Melo, pastu kau ralit tengok tv...pastu dia jadi lembek....hahaha. Bagus betul perumpamaan aku. Cikgu Bahasa Melayu pun tak terfikir camni tau! Usually im not sappy la. But nowadays i feel so sappy....its suffocating.

Sappy how? Like hati jadi cam lembut gitu. Dulu kalau kena marah, aku mungkin akan menjawab gak sedikit sebanyak. Tapi sekarang, kena marah je aku rasa sedih. Sampai nak nangis. Asyik nak merajuk je, i feel its ridiculous. Penat la akak camni. Tu kadang-kadang bila merajuk aku dok diam je layan perasaan sendiri...takot laki aku pun penat kang nak memujuk. Dia pun ada hal lain gak kan. Its a good thing that i realize ini semua perubahan disebabkan hormon dan pembawakan budak. Aku tak mahu terlalu mengikut perasaan.

Pastu kalau ada berita-berita buang baby dalam paper, hati aku down je. My heart really goes to the little helpless baby yang tidak diberi peluang langsung. Dia pergi buang darah daging dia sendiri! Padahal dulu aku tak la rasa cam sekarang. Dulu kalau ada berita baby kena buang, aku maki mak bapak budak tu....then i let it go. But now, this kind of news stays in my head for some time. Aku sangat simpati, kesian sangat dekat baby tu, sometimes to the point of teary eyes...dia kena tahan gigitan semut semua. Aku teringat kat anak aku...betapa bertuahnya kamu peanut. Lahir kamu dinanti-nanti. Mak bapak tak sabar nak curahkan kasih sayang dan berikan didikan sempurna. Belum lahir lagi, mak bapak dia dah rancang yang terbaik untuk dia. Tapi baby yang kena buang tu....... =(

Pastu kalau tengok movie-movie sedih, haihh...jangan cakap la kan. Memang diam-diam dan panic, mengelap air mata secara discreet. Cemana boleh nangis ni....bukan sedih sangat pun.

And also, its weird...now that im in third trimester, i feel sad that im gonna give birth soon. Normalkah? I feel sad that baby is leaving my body. I will miss his little kicks and flutter. I will miss this little human being inside me. Tapi mak aku kata....tunggu la 8 bulan nanti. Masa tu dah berat macam ape, you will wish nothing more than baby to leave your body. Hahaha.... yer la tu kan. But for this time being, i have some sadness that baby is leaving my body. Whenever i feel baby's movement, i smile and its very comforting. Lebih-lebih lagi dia tak pernah susahkan aku dgn aktiviti dia. Dia akan bermain bola sepak pada masa-masa tertentu sahaja. Dia takkan kacau time aku tido.....sebab dia pun sama tido malam. I hope peanut will continue this great timetable.

Sappy-sappy pun, World Cup sudah mahu mareyy....hahha. Aku cam biasa....sokong Portugal. Second team aku ialah Espana...hehe. Orang kata, apehal kau sampai ada dua team. Oh biasa....aku mmg selalu sokong dua team. Untuk mengurangkan kekecewaan. Satu team kalah, ada lagi satu kan....hahaha. Anyway, walaupun Portugal skang agak suam-suam kuku berbanding masa ada Figo dulu, baju merah-hijau tu jugak akan aku pakai nanti. Eh, jap.....dem, baju tu dah tak padan!