Story of my baby's gender...

Hyenas....

Have i ever told you the story about the gender of my baby?...haha, yes, this is yet another baby post.

I'm one who is very concious about my body changes. Any changes, any pain, i will try to diagnose myself first, then only i went to the doctor. I even can identify why, how or what i ate that makes me feel like this. Anyway, who needs a degree to know stuff when you have internet right?...ekekke. So when i got pregnant, its me who actually detected my own pregnancy. Home pregnancy test cant even tell the result right at first. At first i was negative. I detected the early signs and I feel that i might be pregnant. Moreover my instinct is strongly saying i am. I have a reason to be pregnant. The second time after almost 2 weeks later, then only the pregnancy test kit give me correct result.

So, when i got pregnant, i have a feeling its a baby boy. So i trusted my instinct. I bonded to my baby, boy style. I sometimes talk about sports, about football....you know, about boy stuff. I imagine him to be a sportsman and lasak and clever like his dad. Sometimes i imagine my little boy playing football and me going to his every game and cheering his name until he got embarassed and forbid me to come to his game....hehe (biasa la....mama dia mmg selalu excited lebih).

At 4th month we tried to have a peek at baby's crotch. Masa tu baby kecik lagi. Aku ada gamba ultrasound dia, tp aku malas nak upload la. Masa tu dada dia sume kecik, kempis lagi. Nampak kepala je besar. Pastu doctor pusing2 mendalah ultrasound tu nak carik kangkang dia, tiba-tiba dia pusing. Tunjuk bum dia. Aku siap nampak buttcrack dia...haha. Ok, takpe fine.

At 5th month, kitorang gi checkup...and we tried to look for the crotch again. Doctor tu pusing2....aih, susah gak nak tgk. Dia kepit kaki kemain. Aku bleh nampak kaki dia rapat bersilang. Alahai baby mama....kemutnye nak tunjuk. Senang la mama nak beli baju kamu nanti kecit. Ok la....takpe la kan. Takde rezeki.

Masa ni perut aku dah nampak naik. Orang dah mula main teka-teka tengok perut aku. Mostly, like 95% kata boy. Masa ni aku juga sangat tidak sabar. Nak carik barang pun cam tak puas sebab nak kena carik kaler neutral2 gitu. I start to do silly quizzes for fun to see if i have a girl or a boy. Penantian ni sangat la menyeksakan.....hehehe. So the quizzes said im gonna have a boy....just like my insticnt. The chinese prediction calender (which is popular for predicting the right baby gender) said im gonna have a boy too.

Then i look at old wives tale of predicting baby's gender. All signs that i have points out that i might have a boy. The way my body change, the way i carry my stomach, the shape of my stomach, what i like to eat, do i get sick during pregnancy, am i moody during pregnancy, do i get a lot of pimples....until down to the colour of my urine....all point out im having a boy.

At 6th month.....check-up lagi. Doctor tu punya la tenyeh-tenyeh mendalah ultrasound tu kat perut aku. Mana la celah kangkang kecit ni....we need a clear view. Pastu doc tu kata... "Macam perempuan ni". Aku sedikit terkejut actually....ehehe. How come i didnt think it could be a girl? I wonder how come i was sure its a boy. Tapi tiba-tiba doktor kata dia tak sure jugak pulak. Kot kangkang dia kena cover oleh unbilical cord dia kan. Tau la kan, ultrasound ni kadang2 tak clear. Imej yang nampak dari ultrasound cam bayangan je.

Time tu aku terus ubah perception. I actually dont really have preference in gender. But i think it would be good to have a boy as my first child...boleh la dia jagakan adik dia ke ape ke kan. All this while, i bonded with my baby, boyish style. But now, this baby could be a girl. I could be seeing pinks and barbie dolls....not colour blue and football. I start to feel guilty. Aku mula ubah perception to be neutral. I start to feel more guilty. How come i become so selfish and readily think its a boy.

Oh my baby girl, im so sorry sayang. You must be freaked out to know i was expecting a baby boy when you're actually a baby girl. I love you just a much if you're a girl. Im so sorry baby girl.....i feel so guilty. If only i can hug my stomach and kiss my stomach.....but i cant reach my stomach. I feel so suilty to the point of teary eyes.....maybe some people think its a small deal. But i feel so guilty and selfish. I read stories about how baby girl zaman jahiliah dulu ditanam hidup-hidup....it makes me feel more guilty than ever. I dont know why....i am sappy nowadays anyway.

Yesterday, i went for a 3d scan at DEMC hospital, shah alam. I can see baby's sweet face....can see her fingers. Jari dia yang akan genggan tangan aku and Din masa jalan-jalan ke midvalley nanti... =). I can see her cuping telinga yang sama macam abah dia (jenis melekat terus gitu....hehe). Then again i ask the doctor to check her crotch. Doc check and said it could be a girl. I start imagining my little girl wearing the awesome looking gown i saw in the internet. It was all black, with white trimmings, white collar, white lace at the hem with white bow at the waist. Really pretty and smart. I smiled. I start imagining her to be really smart and asking lots of questions and also still lasak and cool like her momma....hehe.

But somehow in the 3d scan, it looks weird. Looks like there's something like a little too big to be a little vagina. Macam balls je. But its ok.

I have decided now....i wont bother about the jantina, ever. I wont ask doc to recheck baby's crotch again. I will look at baby's crotch by myself when baby is in my arms. Aku beli jer la baju kaler neutral comel-comel banyak-banyak for her early months. Then lepas aku dah kuat dan habis pantang, baru aku akan cari baju specific untuk dia. Boy or girl, it doesnt matter. We will love our baby wholeheartedly....

Sampai sekarang orang masih teka aku dapat baby boy. If i really get a baby girl, i am a living proof that all the signs and prediction cannot be trusted......at all....hehe.

Anyway, this is the picture of the 3d scan....isnt she a deary? =)

She is our deary.....

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