Aynur Warded

Anak masuk spital cemana agaknye? Anak aku warded baru ni. That was the most selfless time of my life. I didnt sleep. I only fall asleep, only to wake up 10 minutes after that checking on my baby's drip and temperature....Aynur's drip...(yes i still call Aynur my baby. when she's 30, she would still be my baby. she used to me my baby once....so thats not too much right?...hehe).


Ape sulaa jadi?


Baru ni, dekat 5 hari, anak aku bangun tido malam, nangis and muntah. Aku mula-mula ingat anak aku ngigau. Dia nangis, then tekak kering dia muntah. Aku siap marah dia dok muntah2. Tapi dah start ada pattern plak. For few nights camtu. Tapi yang peliknye muntah waktu malam sahaja. Aku agak stumped aa nak diagnose condition dia, lalu pergi la klinik. Doc kasi ubat indigestion. Tapi hati aku blom puas, cam ada something else. Sebab aynur never has problem cam indigestion gitu. Malam tu dia muntah lagi. Pastu, esok siang tu dia muntah plak lagi. Ok, alarm is ringing. Hari khamis gi klinik amik reference letter, petang tu jugak jumpe paeditrician Aynur. Further checkup tengok-tengok dia ada infection saluran pernafasan. Saluran pernafasan dia ada putih-putih. Aduh....hati rasa down. Doctor Aynur suruh masuk ward malam tu jugak dan start treatment malam tu gak.


Doctor dia kata dia ada infection saluran pernafasan with tendency to bronchitis. Tapi blom kena bronchitis. Dia ada sebut pelik sket, tapi dalam bahasa senangnya gitu la sakit Aynur. Dada dia ada bunyi mucus. Kena nebulizer. Tapi her condition is still early. Early infection. If later then that, she would have been diagnose with bronchitis...if the condition becomes worse, it would progress to be pneumonia (radang peparu). Kasi ubat awal, bleh sembuh cepat and nicely kata doctor Aynur. So balik rumah, pack barang dan ready untuk berkampung di DEMC. Aku tak sempat nak khabor kat sesape pun pasal ni.


Paling sedih masa dia kena cucuk untuk drip. Dia nangis 30 minit tak henti. Diorg cucuk dia semua dalam bilik treatment, tapi aku bleh dgr suara dia nangis. Argh...meruntun perasaan. Memang sedih. Aku ni first time anak masuk spital. Dia selalu tersenyum aktif ceria, tiba-tiba kena cucuk tangan dengan drip segala. First time kena nebulizer, muka monyok, mata bengkak nangis, phobia tgk nurse...breaks my heart. I almost blame myself for this. But which part is my fault? Then i think blaming myself is stupid.

Malam2 tido kena drip. Aku mmg tak tido malam aa nak jaga drip dia. Tengok demam naik ke ape. Tu aku kata, my most selfless time. There's no myself....there's only Aynur. Third night tu je tido lebih sket sebab condition dia makin baik dah. Nasib baik reaction dia to medicine agak cepat. Masuk malam khamis, tghari ahad dah bleh blah. Tapi eventho dah kuar tu kena continue meds dia. Antibiotic dia agak sial...like meds from hell (yer, aku mmg rasa semua ubat2 aynur sebelum bagi dia). Dengan pekat dia...dengan granules dia halus-halus...mmg lekat kat tekak. Pastu PAHIT lagi. Demmit! Tapi kena paksa. Doc dia kata, dose kena cukup. Tak cukup kalu, kuman tak mati, infection berterusan, demam naik, batuk teruk...warded balik. So aku dengan Din kena strict. You gotta be cruel to make sure she gets well. Memang aku cekak muka dan mulut dia. Dia muntah aku bagi lagi ganti muntah tu. Sorry nunor....mama tau rasa dia tak sedap, you hate it. I hate it too. Tapi mama dengan abah kena paksa gak.


So now this is the second day she's out of the hospital. Nampak like getting better. One thing is, she's happier at home. Kat spital, she was so unhappy. She hates to be handled by strangers. So kat rumah ada orang dia kenal, ada barang mainan familiar dia. Happiness is so important to get better. She's back to her cheeky ways and she gain her appetite back. Syukur Alhamdulillah.


Aku banyak la bersabar dan tabah menghadapi sume tu. Walaupun dia tgk aku ni cam orang jahat sebab dok kepit dia kiri kanan bile nurse bawak nebulizer, kena la kitorang cekal kan. Tapi aku pun tak paham apsal sedut nebulizer kena nangis. Tapi bagus la kan....dia akan sedut gas tu makin dalam bile nangis. Aku selalu teringat nasib budak-budak lain yg lebih teruk. Ibu bapa lain yang anak dia sakit lagi kronik. Syukur ini hanye dugaan kecil sahaja, 3 days at the hospital and the cheeky girl is back. This will make us stronger. I always carry this saying in myself...what doesnt kill you make you stronger. what doesnt kill you makes you a fighter (familiar? lagu kelly clarkson tu. tp that saying has been in me for a long time already).


This goes to my child as well. Im gonna teac her that. She will be stronger. Sometimes you gotta face some ordeal to be stronger.

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komplen

Korang selalu komplen tak? Komplen dengan mengadu lain tau. Banyak komplen dan selalu tak puas hati adalah bende yang annoying. Like, ada je bende tak puas ati...padahal sume org lain pun dalam situasi sama, tapi orang lain tak plak komplen kan. Misalnye ko tengah dok tengah panas. Semua orang dok panas berkipas. Pastu ada orang tu dok bebel...."panasnye, panasnye...tak suke la, panas ni." Itu membuatkan kite semua makin panas dan mahu menyumbat kipas ke dalam mulut dia.....baru la kite sejuk sket kan.


Manakala mengadu ialah hanya untuk berkongsi perasaan...nak share sikit supaya terasa ringan ke, sbb takde ape yg boleh dilakukan lagi. Keadaan tu takleh ubah, orang tu kena terima nasib diaa. Atau kite saje nak share supaya jadi pengajaran atau news kat kawan-kawan ke ape.


Senang untuk orang salah paham antara mengadu dan komplen ni. Salah satu cara nak differentiate is...intonasi suara. Ngadu ni intonasi perlahan dan lembut sket. Sebab nature mengadu is nak share dan maybe mintak attention dan simpati sket.



Komplen ni selalu suara bising dan kepoh sket. Kalo pi cakap kat sume orang, tu komplen tu. Lebih-lebih lagi kalau orang tu dok berulang-ulang cakap. Ade je bende tak kena. Pastu dia memang expect orang untuk support dia dan sama-sama mengutuk orang yang dia maksudkan dalam komplen dia....tsk tsk. Aku rasa obvious kalo komplen ni....is when everybody is facing the same thing. Bende tu memang macam tu, sama-sama kena kite tak boleh bwat pape...benda tu la dia sebok nak bising. Dan bile orang tu manjang adeeee je bende nak komplen@ngadu....orang jadi bosan. Last-last org jadi malas nak dengar dan takde perasaan dah. And obviously no one will respond atau join kata-kata tak elok dia.

Lagi satu annoying is, when you complain things that you dont know about. Ada la orang ramai dok komplen pasal ptptn. Alahai kecoh...bukan dia sorang bayar. Aku pun bayar. Dah namanya pinjam....bayar la. Pastu dah dia kena bayar, dok kata ptptn patut dimansuh kan. Dah tanak bayar patutnya dulu kasi la dapat 4 flat ke kan. Boleh convert jadi scholarship. Aku malas sket bising pasal bende-bende gitu. Aku bukan la pandai sangat ke ape....tapi nak belajar ni, memang kena kuar duit kan. Mana ada dalam dunia ni negara yg kasi pelajaran free. Ok la...maybe ada la certain 2, 3 kerat negara kasi free pelajaran....tapi aku rasa mesti diorg cover ikot lain. Ni cakap pandai...tapi cakap macam cakap buta-buta bodo-bodo je. Komplen je lebih. (Pasal ptptn tu...aku cume rasa diorg patut kurangkan bunga sahaja. Bunga mereka memang agak tahik. Tahik ayam. Bunga tahik ayam).


Aku bukan ape...sebab ada je orang yg jenis suke komplen ni. Tak bagus tau. Jenis mmg nature dia, adaaaaa je tak kena. Bende yg orang sume kena sekali pon dia nak bising. Dia macam ingat sume bende patut perfect untuk kesenangan dia kot. Ko jadi malas nak sembang dengan dia ke ape. Ade je bende negative dia nak ckp. Kadang-kadang nak bercakap ni, kite kena tengok kata-kata kite ni berpekdah tak. Kalo asek untuk komplen, untuk memulakan umpatan atau maki hamun...lupekan la. Bwat dosa je kan...

We should embrace and be thankful more....and complain less. There are a lot more things to be thankful...

Wallahu'alam.

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Pregnancy lagi aa...

Rumors has it....that im pregnant with a baby boy....hehe.


Rumors dari mesin sonogram doktor aku ler....hehehe. Aku 5 bulan pregnant dah. Cepat kan? Sebab apa cepat....sbb aku lambat tau yang aku pregnant. Masa tu memang ada rasa cam pregnant tapi aku takot nak check utk confirm. In denial la kire. So aku delay untuk confirmkan. So bile dah confirm tu lambat...dia jadi cam laju la kan.

So 5 bulan memang dah bleh tgk jantina. Aku bende2 gini memang tak bleh nak tunggu. Aku tak sabar. Aku kan manusia yang nipis kesabarannya....hahaha. So dia jadi meronta-ronta nak tau. Doktor pun pulas dan kilas mendalah handheld ultrasound dia tu...dapat view bawah bontot dia (bontot baby, bukan bontot doktor). Nampak macam balls, the testicles....hahahha. Baby ni boy rupenye. Tapi aku tanak rely 100% kat gambar tu je. Next time nak check lagi. Mana tau kot umbilical cord dia je ke bergumpal....sapa taauuu.

Aku tak pernah bitau sesape lagi, tp sebenarnye hati aku nakkan baby girl actually....hehe. Sebab aku nak Aynur dan adik pempuan dia jadi the best of friends, sharing everything and playing together, satu kepala. But then, baby boy ke girl ke....same je. Still adik beradik. Biasa la manusia (aku la)....berkehendak. Aku teringat lagi time aku pregnant kat Aynur. Aku nak baby boy....tengok-tengok dapat girl. And i love Aynur more than my life. In the end, it doesnt matter one bit.


So, beza pregnancy kali ni....tak byk dari time aynur dulu. Alhamdulillah, takde morning sickness ke ape. Lepak je. Tapi penat dia cam hopeless sket. Dulu penat masa pregnant first, aku bleh layankan. Kalo penat aku pi rehat baring-baring, tido awal. Ni ada Aynur....nak layankan penat? Kau jgn harap. Skang ni tetiap malam nak tido lambat budak tu...apesal ntah asik nak main je. Asik nak memunggah jer. Memang stage dia kot. Memang aku jadi monster jadian aa kan. Tahan jer la. Aku rasa cam wanita besi dowh. At 5 months pregnant, aku memang still dukung Aynur yang 9kg lebih tu. Bih kalau anak dah hulur tangan....cemana? Atau ko nak bergerak cepat kan, malas tunggu dia terkedek-kedek jalan. Ramai je kawan2 aku camtu. Dah sarat still mendukung toddlers diorg. Ahh...kite pregnant, and ada anak kecik lagi nak jaga kan. Kite kan pempuan moden, pempuan yang ada banyak job scope, pempuan yg (kena) lebih kuat. Kite redah je...semoga Allah lindungi kite, mama-mama dan mommy-mommy sume. Amiin...aku selalu berdoa kepada Allah semoga diberi kekuatan. Dan aku selalu rasa, situasi aku ni mesti pempuan lain hadapi juga. Semoga mereka juga diberi kekuatan.


Skang pregnancy is mid-way. Baby is so alive and kicking! The familiar feeling of a moving being inside me is back. The flutter 'gassy' feeling when baby flip and press against my colon....hahah.


Aku dengan takde kerjanya, telah categorize all of the baby's movement...according to my feelings la kan.

1 - the flip - you feel like (huge) butterfly in your stomach. like a wave, a flutter. like baby is doing all sorts of movement at once. like he's doing some acrobatic movement. usually this is one of the earliest movement felt. sebab ruang dalam perut still banyak, baby boleh gerak bebas camni. so rasa cam ntah ape-ape2 dia bwat, cam berenang ade, cam sepak takraw ade.

2- the soft tap - its when baby taps softly. its not as strong as the kick. more like a tap. maybe a slow kick from inside.


3 - the push - its like when baby moves slowly and lazily in your tummy. like maybe he wants to change side. and when he moves, you would feel like he's pushing to shift place. the push can be divided into 2 kinds;
             - pushing with his body - there would be a huge bump on my tummy which makes my tummy seems senget. this would make me feel like im gassy nak terkentut.....but no kentut comes out of course.
             - pushing with his 'small and sharp' body parts - like his feet, hands, knees, elbows... which means i would feel a bit ngilu, but nice  =D


4 - the push and drag - its when baby push (as above), and then he drags his weapon (hands, knees, elbows) across my tummy (which means more ngilu).


5 - the kick - the mother of all movement, where the baby gives you one strong blow to your tummy. this is the most exciting for me.

6 - the organ kick - this is when baby does not kick your tummy, but he's kicking your organ. namely (usually), your stomach, colon and bladder. again, feels like you're gassy, feel like u're pressured to pee.

For all of the movement, no pain is felt by the mother.....only much love, smiles, and happiness that the baby is growing like a champion.

x0x0

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Our Home

We have a home now. We're counting days to move in our new home. This little house was bought sometime in 2009. It was bought 'impulsively' actually.

Wah, bunyi cam orang kaya plak....hahaha. Orang lain beli kasut impulsively. But we bought a house impulsively.

No la...actually we didnt plan to buy a house. Masa tu belum kawin lagi. Tapi dah dekat nak kawin. Few months, few weeks lagi nak kawin. Masa tu ada developer pecah tanah nak bukak kawasan baru kat belakang kawasan umah mak aku. Mak aku dok tanye, tanak beli ke. Aku cakap takpe la...tanak lagi la. Takde duit. Takot nanti dah kawin duit jadi sesak sangat nak bayar rumah ke ape sume. Nak tgk dulu keadaan kewangan cemana nanti. Mak aku pujuk lagi....dia kata beli la. Kawasan cantik. Rumah pun cantik. Shah Alam ni kawasan elok. Plak tu dah takde tanah dah Shah Alam ni. Kalau nak bukak tanah baru pun rumah plak akan jadi makin mahal. Mama boleh tolong ain. Aku jawab sama....nanti la...dah kawin nanti, tgk la cemana. Taknak la pakai duit mama. Mak aku kata tak boleh tunggu kawin. Rumah tu akan habis kejap je. Aku dah serba salah...aku tak bape nak. Din plak masa tu takde sini....dia tgh ada keje kat Germany. Aku sms dia di Germany...dia pun cam sama dgn aku. Tanak rush beli rumah lagi ke ape. Nak tgk dulu keadaan kewangan lepas kawin cemana.

Tiba-tiba mak aku (dengan bapak aku sekali) jadi Terminator. Mak aku memang boleh berubah jadi Terminator....ko jgn memain dengan mak aku. She's not an ordinary mom yg lemah lembut gemalai. Dengan lidahnye yang tajam dan suara yang mampu naik berkali ganda kau punya desibel, she can make you follow what she say (of course those are sensible good things. kite je yg keras kepala kekadang). Mesti lah diorg nak yang terbaik untuk anak cucu. Well, she practically force me to buy it. She practically drag me to the developer office, and make me choose the unit. Of course me and Din have no budget for a house that time, kitorang nak kawin ok!.....so she help paid the early payment. And aku masa tu still serba salah. Mak aku kata jangan risau, kalau mmg tak mampu, mama beli balik rumah ni dari ain. Kite tatau rezeki masa depan. Mungkin masa tu Ain dgn Din dah mampu. Rugi tak beli. Kawasan elok, harga sementara lom tinggi sangat lagi ni.

Lepas tu rumah tu bertukar tangan kepada nama Din dan nama aku. Lepas tu kitorg proses loan sume, then kitorang sambung bayar sendiri. Now the house is fully our asset. Well, here i would like to say thank you to mama and abah. Skang aku bersyukur kami beli umah tu. If not because of them forcing me and Din to buy it....and helping us to kick-start some early payments, we wouldnt have the guts to commit to RM330,000 (after rm30,000 rebate...untung lagi!). Not only we wouldnt have the guts, we also dont have the money to commit that time. If we dont buy it that time, we wouldnt get a decent house, at a good area, at a good price. Eventhough sometimes parents can be nagging and we feel a bit unreasonable (...like forcing you to buy a house!), they can see the future. They want the best for their anak-anak and cucu-cucu dan mereka sanggup berkorban ke arah itu. 

Me that time at 2009 still young, lom kawin, couldnt see the future (and i thought orang-orang muda lebih berfikiran terbuka.....fail dowh). All i see is i wanna lepak with my hubby. Enjoy-enjoy, tanak susah-susah kuar duit banyak-banyak. Padahal dah kawin la senang beli rumah...boleh join nama. Kalau sesak-sesak, boleh hadapi sama-sama. Boleh kongsi senang susah. Bagi aku istilah bersusah-susah dahulu, bersenang-senang kemudian is bolocks....hahaha. I hate bersusah-susah. Tapi aku lupe...lepas susah tu jadi senang. 

Well now, like i say, aku syukur la beli. Thanks to them, my parents. Skang Aynur dah nak besar. She would need a bigger space to move and learn. And now, another baby coming, which also means we need bigger space. Harapkan rumah apartment sekangkang kera kat tingkat 7 tu....susah jugak. And like what my mom said once (dan berkat doa dia jugak...Alhamdulillah), Din dgn aku makin stable. Takde la byk duit sangat....jauh sekali. Tapi mampu la. Tu pun kena gak saving-saving. Potong budget sana-sini. Tapi aku takde la beli beg Coach ke, beg Gucci ke, LV ke....and good thing is, i never care about those big brands. I swear, really i dont care. Beg aku paling mahal is....LeSportSac kot....hehee. Beg tu la aku dok harung sana sini.... =D and im always at peace.

Skang renovation is in its final process. Kitorang bajet nak masuk rumah akhir bulan ni. Tapi tatau sempat ke idak. Barang-barang pun belum kemas lagi. Contractor tu bapak aku yang rekomen. Dia dah bwat rumah bapak aku dulu. Bapak aku gertak kontraktor tu few times....hahaha. So aku rasa kontraktor tu cuak nak main-main bwat rumah aku. Aku tengok workmanship cam ok. Aku puas hati la gak...takde hiccup.

So now, we're planning on our time to start packing and moving.

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