Nunor at almost 15 months...

Salam all....

My baby is 14 months. Well this 17 November she'll be 15 months. Time flies like a concorde. Too fast it worries me sometimes. Not really worry, but it got me thinking about many things. About money, about the suitable time to have more kids, about my lost times, about relationship with people, about career. Many things...

I kept thinking about it from time to time. But im not like all stressed out. I was just thinking about all that. You can't run away from all that.

Anyway, now that Nunor is almost 15 months, she has passed a lot of milestone. One that she is going through right now, is talking. Bila orang bersembang, i always observe her. She would listen and look at the talking person. She would look at their mouth (this doesn't always happen. sometimes she'd rather play). When i talk to her, she would listen, and respond in her language, like she understand. And we would have a whole conversation, like chicken talking to a duck.

Figuring out what she's saying is fun. Like few weeks ago, she was repeating a word. Aku mmg tak paham perkataan ape. It sounds like "cica" (pronounce it like in BM). So dia dok repeat cica cica cica cica. So aku dok fikir laa....amende la cica nih. "Tido" ke. Macam tak. Eh, tak paham la aku.

One day aku sembang dengan PakDin. Aku ade sebut perkataan "teacher" and suddenly dia sebut 'cica!". Then i realize....the word is "teacher". Teacher, because babysitter kat nursery dia sume bebudak tu dok panggil teacher. Hahahaha....i laugh out loud. Now about a month after that, it sounds more and more like "teacher". Like ctecher....hahah....gitu2 la.

Like recently, she's trying to immitate the word "jom". She cant say the letter "j" yet. So she cant really pronounce "jom". But she try. You gotta love that. She try to say the word. Maybe because it icks her that she cannot say it, when everyone is saying it. Tak boleh jadi kan! So you know how she pronounce it?

She says "pom".......hahahahah....now I'M laughing.

Whenever we wanna get moving and i say "jom, jom"...dia pun sibuk kata "pom, pom". Lepas tu dia ketawa malu-malu...cos she knows its not how you say it. Hahahah...nunor, nunor.

And she's also more adventurous. She has a box of toys, but that doesnt interest her anymore. Dia suka punggah laci, punggah kotak, punggah vcd-vcd abah dia, punggah beg nursery dia, beg aku, wallet kitorang, kasi pecah table lamp kaca aku. Arrggghhh...hahaha. Sabar jer la kan. And she starts to walk more. At 14 months, her longest step is 9. 9 step. Ok la tu....lambat sket. We know eventually she'll walk. Only the matter of time. But she's a pro at crawling tho....haha.

She likes to berlakon nangis, then when people layan dia, dia sengih. She likes to do things herself. Pegang gelas sendiri. Suap makanan sendiri. Tp masalahnye dia tak reti kan. Dan aku plak takde masa nak mengelap meja dan lantai yang berlemuih. So experiment dia limited sket. Ahh...aku yang tak puas hati. Tapi kalau biar, memang tak terlap la akuuuu.

Anyway..... =) aynur at 15 months....

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Nak eksiden....

Salam....

Korang bawak kete cemana? Aku bawak kete hati-hati la gak. Takde kelam kabut, menyusahkan orang. Especially ada anak dlm kete ni. Korang pun kena hati-hati tau!

Baru ni aku bawak kereta. Nunor ada dalam kereta, dalam carseat. Carseat tu kat seat depan, rear-facing. Aku nak strap dia atas carseat tak nak. Dia nak diri atas lutut dia, sambil tgk depan dalam seat dia. Aku nak strap dia kemain struggle. Konon habis kuat aa. Aku plak ada byk barang nak pegang sume. Aku pun letak dia dulu dalam carseat tu. Cadangnya nanti red-light kat mana-mana traffic light, aku ikat aa dia kan....

So aku pun bawak la kete. Bawak-bawak-bawak tu....aku nampak nun di depan....traffic light tengah kelip-kelip hijau....nak jadi kuning. Jalan tu agak busy. Mengingatkan traffic light ini adalah traffic light yang paling membuang masa dalam hidup aku, aku pun speed up sket. Aku tau memang sempat. Kalau tak sempat takde aku speed up. Sikit lagi nak lepas traffic light....tiba2 ada kete belah kiri aku nak pusing, nak pergi ke belah kanan. Mana boleh! Ko nak gi kanan ko kena dok lane kanan aa. Atau at least lane tengah. Jalan tu busy 3 lane kot...gile hape dari hujung kiri nak gi hujung kanan! Aku dah pucat, ngucap panjang. Aku dah la tengah speeding ni. Sempat tak break. Anak aku dah la tak strapped-on. Aku pun break la mencicit gaban. Aku tarik seluar anak aku, so that dia tak terus ke depan langgar cermin kete. Skang dua-dua kete dah berenti. Kete dia, kete aku...kete belakang byk lagi tunggu.

Memang anak haram jadah punya driver. Yang bawak kete tu pempuan. Kesabaran nak sampai had dah aku rasa. Kalau aku ada darah tinggi, mau aku kena serang strok dah. Sebab darah cam boiling sial. Aku rasa cam nak tenyeh muka dia atas tar. Itu aku punya initial feeling. Boiling gile ada beberapa sebab significant....

(1) Sebab aku bawak anak. Kalau sorang-sorang, marah-marah pun aku let go la. Ni kalau bawak anak, aku jadi cam mak kucing. Ko pernah berani nak gi kacau anak kucing baru lahir? kau nak kena gigit dengan mak kucing? Ha....macam tu la. Bile ada sesuatu yang macam jadi threat utk anak, aku mula la darah jadi boiling. Alah bukan mak kucing je....mak-mak lain pun sama. Sebab natural instinct dia nak protect anak dia dari harmful threats.

(2) Apa yang pempuan gile tu bwat is sooooo not necessary. I mean its a stupid thing. Selfish betul. Kalau kebodohan dia tu jadi kemalangan utk org lain cemana? kalau dah salah lane di atas jalan yang busy, you better find another way. Bukan bwat bende bodoh camtu.

(3) I didnt honk her. I should have. It should be a blast honking. But i didnt. Im not a honking-person.

Kadang-kadang, kita mungkin bawak kete berhati-hati. Tapi kite tatau org lain cemana. Bile dah kena, nak kire sapa betul sape salah pun tak guna dah. Kite kena jadi extra careful dengan diri kite....dan alert dengan pembawa-pembawa kereta seperti ini.

Semoga kitre dielakkan daripada bende-bende macam ni.

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The cat story

Aku bukak page ni awal-awal tadi. Tatau nak tulis ape.

I was thinking, did i really lost it? I mean lost my mojo, lost my ideas, lost my fun-ness? Well, i admit, some of my life is really occupied. Yer la, as life move on, you have responsibilities kan. Your life become occupied. Ada komitmen.

But whatever it is, you should fullfilled you life with meaningfull things. You should make yourself meaningful to others. You should fill your soul with real things. You should have lots of fun. This thinking brings me to an incident that happen some years ago. Some years ago yang selalu aku ingat.

I was around 23 years old. Or was it 24? Around that. That was my final semester in MMU. That semester I only took 1 subject, or was it 2. I have a lot of time. So I worked at a bakery shop near my house. On one of my working days....one time i went out to get drinks. On the way to buy my drinks, i saw a cat. A black cat. The cat looks healthy, strong. I think he's around 1 1/2 yrs old. You know what the cat was doing? He was chasing butterfly. Ah, that scene is so fresh in my mind. The cat was having so much fun. Chasing and jumping. The scene was very interesting, I stopped to look at him play. I called out to him. He stopped, looked at me....and continue play. Im a cat person. I appreciate animals. So when i see him play like that, it brings joy to me. After looking at him for a while, i remember i was suppose to get some drinks. So i went into 7-eleven.

After around 5 minutes in 7-eleven, i went out and automatically remembers the cat. I search for him. Takde. He was not there, where he played just now. Mana dia. Aku pusing kiri-kanan. takde. Ahh...mana dia. I dunno why, aku rasa tak sedap hati. Aku cari-cari....and suddenly i saw him. Hancut lulur hati aku. Sedih. Aku nangis terus kat situ. Depan kucing yang dah mati tu, depan org kat kaki lima kedai. Kucing tu kena langgar. Ahhh....cemana bleh kena langgar. he was so happy playing just now. This cant be!....

But he was so happy playing just now! Aku taleh terima hakikat time tu. I know its just a cat. well, maybe sebab, (1)-aku suke kucing (2)-he was so much alive before that (3)-he made my day, and suddenly he died?!

Oh well, life's like that. You dont know when is your due to go. From that moment on, i learn something. Live yourself to the fullest. Fullest doesnt mean go waste yourself, but do something meaningful to you and others. Go have fun. Do what you like. Be important to other people other than yourself. Leave marks on people. Like the cat. He left a permanent mark in my heart.

I hope there's cat heaven. I hope he go to cat heaven.

xoxo.

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What being a mother has taught me...

I've been a mother for a year. Aynur Khalesya is 1 year and few weeks old. She's my biggest achievement. Maklumlah, aku ni manalah belajar tinggi-tinggi. Orang lain ada masters, gaji riban-riban. Aku ada degree je. But this girl, she's grown up to be a beautiful, funny, whimsical toddler. What a sunshine. Sume orang rasa anak dia best. Tak salah. Sume org rasa camtu....aku paham sungguh.

Lepas setahun menjadi mak, aku sedar...how having a baby change your life. What having a baby has taught you. I repeat, the baby will CHANGE your life. You realize you can change into a different person. You realize all this while you worry about the most un-important thing. That zit on your chin?...nehhh! You realize there's more important thing than what you thought is the most important thing before.

Few things that being a mother and wife has taught me?

- Patience- Number 1 thing you should have. If i want to talk about this, its gonna be endless. From my baby is 1 day old....to 1 year old, bkn senang nak besarkan anak. Still remember how my baby doesnt sleep and cry a lot masa pantang. Thats colic. I thought i can never go through it. But i did....dgn jayanya. Hoyeahhh!!

-Strength - Physical and mental. You do need physical strength. Baby will gain weight so fast and you will need to carry her around. Stroller? Well sometimes you gotta carry her manually, plus her stuff. Now my baby is almost 9 kg, 75cm. Tell me if you dont need physical strength? You will need stronger arms and torso.

Mentally is more important. We control things with our mind. Thats why mental strength is important. I, myself have built this 'WALL' inside me. This wall is made of love, courage, patience and so many other wonderful things. So many things and people actually contribute to my wall. My baby, my husband, my mom, dad, siblings, friends, cats, flower, bradley cooper....haha. Whenever i feel like im falling, i will hang on to this wall. (please be informed, its not facebook wall)

-Health - Exercise, eat well. Dont do crazy dieting. Or over-eat. Or eat crap. If you are sick, tempang lah family. Jadi jagalah kesihatan....demi siri sendiri, demi keluarga.

-Time management - Manage time and establish routines. Then you might have more time which you can establish below;

-Me time - Important for you to rest, read a book, do things for yourself. Me time can be harvested when you manage your time. You have vacuum the floor, mop the floor, lipat baju, basuh baju, plan things ready to cook...then maybe you can curi few hours for your face mask and reflexology. Cukur ape patut, mencantikkan diri sket....haha. Its not everyday you can have me time. Be patient! This needs cooperation from your other half. Dapat once a week pun dah cukup bagus.

-Good food - Good food makes people happy and healthy.

-Understanding and helping each other - this doesnt need much explanation.

From my experience, all that above is important. If i explain detail all point one by one, i will only finish writing by tonight...kan. Other than being a mother, you still have your life, your house, your husband. You are still the chef, the cleaner, the wife. You still have double, triple job that seems endless. Kalau dibayar gaji, haha....mmg kaya. Aku ni plak jenis tak mintak tolong org. Im like that. Sejak kecik aku camtu. Mungkin sebab aku tak ramai adik beradik dan org laki dlm family. Aku ada sorang abg yang beza umur 7 tahun. Dia kawin umur 26 kot. Dah ada family sendiri. Pastu tinggal aku, adik pempuan, mak and bapak. Takkan aku nak nyusahkan abg aku yg ada family sendiri. Takkan nak nyusahkan parents aku je kan. Sekali-sekala ada la mintak tlg adik and parents. So aku mmg terlatih utk buat bende sendiri. Kalau org lain tolong, pastu tak bwat stail aku, aku jadi kureng suke plak dah. Nanti aku akan bwat balik sume.

Satu lagi aku selalu terfikir, ialah pasal parents aku. Aku terfikir, betapa kite sayang kat anak kite kan. Mesti mak-bapak aku pun sayang aku cam aku sayang kat anak aku. Kalau teringat sume tu....rasa macam...ahh, bersalah. What a lousy daughter i am. At 29 years old, im still learning and realizing things that i never see before. Kekadang insaf jugak....baru la rasa appreciate parents dgn lebih banyak. Pulak tu, parents aku sume bwat sendiri. Masa pantang parents aku jaga aku sendiri. Mak aku mandikan sendiri, sume sendiri. Aku pulak baby colic gak. Budak berangin. Nangis manjang. Masa tu nenek aku dok jauh kat kelantan. Ada tanaman nak kena jaga sume. Taleh jauh lama-lama sangat. Masa tu plak cuti bersalin 40 hari je. Ah...cam robot mama aku. Tabik spring la Ma!

Anyway, semua mak dan isteri ada macam-macam cerita. This all build us to become strong. Aku rasa puas dan lega. Buat lah dengan ikhlas. Buatlah kerana nak keluarga berfungsi dgn baik.....kerana Allah. Pahala orang pempuan ni, mmg byk datangnya dari menjadi seorang emak, seorang isteri, dan seorang anak.

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